Ep 168 // Understanding Trauma, Healing, and Breaking Family Cycles | Part Two with Gina Birkemeir
We either pass on our healing or we pass on our hurting.
But how do you recognize the patterns that have been passed down through your family? And once you see them, how do you actually begin to break the cycle?
In Part Two of Megan’s conversation with licensed professional counselor, trauma specialist, professor, and Generations Deep author Gina Birkemeier, we move from Gina’s personal story of trauma and redemption into the practical work of healing.
Gina explains how generational trauma isn’t always as obvious as addiction or abuse repeating from one generation to the next. Sometimes what gets passed down is more subtle: fear, control, codependency, emotional avoidance, unhealthy coping mechanisms, or unspoken family rules about which emotions are acceptable.
And sometimes, what looks like one problem on the surface has a completely different root underneath.
For example: control may actually have its roots in fear.
Megan shares vulnerably about recognizing a generational pattern of control in her own family—and how motherhood and adoption exposed places where fear, identity, and the desire to control outcomes were affecting her relationships.
Together, Megan and Gina explore what it looks like to respond to these discoveries with curiosity instead of condemnation.
Rather than asking, What’s wrong with me? healing invites us to ask:
What’s happening inside of me? Where did this come from? And Lord, what are You inviting me to see?
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- What generational trauma is and how patterns get passed down through families
- Why we often pass on what we haven’t healed
- How unhealthy coping mechanisms can change forms from one generation to the next
- Why cycle-breaking has to begin with your own healing
- How fear can disguise itself as control
- Why curiosity is more helpful than shame when unhealthy patterns surface
- The connection between vulnerability, safety, and healing
- How to set healthy boundaries without simply cutting people out of your life
- The difference between healthy conflict and an unsafe relationship
- How Christians can unintentionally “spiritually bypass” someone’s pain
- What it means to become a safe person for someone else’s story
- Why you are not the Holy Spirit in someone else’s life
- How forgiveness differs from reconciliation and restored access
- Why forgiveness may be a process rather than a one-time decision
- How God can redeem even the parts of your story you thought were beyond repair
Gina also offers an important distinction when it comes to boundaries: healthy relationships aren’t relationships without conflict. Safe people can disagree, have difficult conversations, and speak truth in love. Boundaries aren’t meant to punish someone; they’re meant to protect what God is healing.
And when someone shares their pain with us, our first job isn’t necessarily to offer a Bible verse, an explanation, or advice. Sometimes becoming a safe person means simply being willing to sit with someone in their grief before trying to make sense of it.
As Gina reminds us, you are not the Holy Spirit in someone else’s life.
Love doesn’t require controlling another person’s journey. It creates room for God to work.
Toward the end of the conversation, Megan and Gina also tackle the complicated topic of forgiveness. Forgiving someone does not automatically mean giving them access to your life again. Forgiveness, reconciliation, and boundaries are different things—and healing doesn’t have to happen on someone else’s timeline.
If something in this conversation brings one of your own family patterns to the surface, don’t rush into shame.
Get curious.
Ask God:
What are You inviting me to see?
What am I carrying that You want to heal?
What is my next faithful step?
Because the cycle can change and healing can begin with you.
Connect with Gina Birkemeier
- Book: Generations Deep: Unmasking Inherited Dysfunction and Trauma to Rewrite our Stories Through Faith and Therapy
- Specialties: Trauma, generational trauma, family patterns, faith-integrated counseling
- Website: ginabirkemeier.com
- Instagram: @myoutloudvoice
Connect with Megan Nilsen
- Website: meganbnilsen.com
- Social: Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn
- Grab the Book: Untangled Faith+Companion Journal
- Free Gift: 30-Day Grace + Truth (Daily) Devotional
- Book a free discovery call to see if Kingdom Life Coaching could help you unlock your next right step!